The big “D” and I don’t me Dallas, or some other word that starts with the letter D (like Dick…. sorry, had to add that for a comic relief on such a serious topic).
It’s final, it’s been long over and you have experienced all the emotions a grieving human being can. Grieving comes in many ways and is important to go through the process in order to move forward and heal.
Did you ever ask yourself how two people can be so in love “once upon a time” yet end in divorce, not death (as it says in traditional vows, “till death do us part”)? Not just incompatible divorce but down right bitter hateful divorce. How can this be? And what does incompatible divorce mean anyway? A couple are compatible at the time of marriage…. right? Ok, maybe not compatible at time of marriage but still choose to marry. How can two people profess there love for one another find that one day they can’t stand the sight and voice of there soon to be…. or current “ex”?
What happened? I mean what “really” happened?
One word; selfish. Selfish happened. Divorce is selfish. This is the way of the world it seems these days (selfish and greed). Are you compatible with more than one person? Most likely, yes. Marriage is about commitment…. long term commitment, life time commitment, through sickness and health, rich or poor. Unless there is abuse, fidelity, or even addiction then divorce can be a choice without shame or guilt ( even still, divorce is a challenge for the abused). The emotional and physical well being of a soul is far more important than staying in an abusive marriage or staying with an addict. Those behaviors are unacceptable! You have NO control over another persons actions and words they speak. You can not make someone stop hurting you emotionally. You must choose to ignore the ignorant selfish abuser, because they too are hurting and majorly lack self control.
The grass is NEVER greener on the other side. It takes work! Compassion for the needs of your partner. Communication…. and understanding what is being communicated! Constant learning about each other; there quirks, there likes and dislikes…. the list can go on and on, and the list will CHANGE just like your partner. People change as they grow, people change as they age. You make a conscious choice to stay together… regardless of the “changes” you or your partner go through. Yes, it is a choice.
You can heal a broken marriage. All things are possible but you cant make someone love you forever. This is not your choice, it is there’s.
What about the “kids in the middle?” Sadly, most children are caught up in the middle of “selfish” parents who battle it out daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. It is like an emotional “disease” that sheds guilt and shame for kids who are “trapped” between two people they love very much. The damage is long term.
So for the love of “kids in the middle” I want to express the importance of council, professional guidance and communication to the ones in the middle without a voice. Children express pain in varies ways at different stages of there life, especially if they don’t understand what they are feeling .Children don’t know how to verbalize the suffering they are enduring. As adults, we are aware that emotional pain can be physically exhausting, and it is the same for children. It is confusing for children who endure such emotional pain when stuck in the middle of divorced bitter parents. Children are having a hard enough time trying to fit in at school, get good grades or impress mom or dad with “whatever”. Kids thrive to receive an “atta boy, atta girl” compliment from both parents!
CHILDREN JUST WANT TO BE LOVED BY MOTHER AND FATHER NOT THE “GO BETWEEN” ANGRY IMMATURE PARENTS LASHING OUT AT ONE ANOTHER!!
Always remember the emotional well being of your children before you put them in the middle of a screaming match, a money war, or whatever else you can think of that may dramatically change the well being of your child or children. The longer you hold a grudge with an ex, the deeper the scars are on your children and the longer it will take for them to heal….. if ever.
Sacrifice your “temper,bitterness” for the love that you have for your children. Sacrifice the “I’ll show you” mentality for the “I love my kids more” attitude.
Come on, it cant be that bad can it? It’s time to let go and move on. Forgive Forgive Forgive! More importantly, work to forgive yourself.
Live, love, honor and laugh out loud! Prioritize you.