Do You Know This Person?

A person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual. In other words…. to feel deeply. The capacity to place oneself in anothers position. Usually considered Highly Sensitive, or often told they are to sensitive and need to “toughen up.” They absorb other peoples emotions and are highly attunes to anothers moods, good and bad. They have a love of nature and quit environments. They desire to help other people. They have a need for alone time. They are sensitive to sound,light, smell, and aversion to large groups. It usually takes Highly Sensitive people longer to calm down after a busy day. They are typically introverts but not all are. It’s not unusual that they gravitate to the arts and tend to be very creative. These people  can be Empaths and Highly Sensitive People. In all, HSP’s and Empaths are fairly simple human beings (well sort of). They are a rarity in today’s world and aren’t valued as they should be. Both empaths and HSP’s have a difficult time dealing with emotions, and having a highly sensitive nature does not make them a saint.

Do you know this person? I do!

Now……… Do you know THIS PERSON?

A person who has to be in control of everything and everyone around them. This person does NOT value other peoples feelings or opinions. They view kindness as a weakness, and sympathy as a waste of time. They think the rules don’t apply to them, because they KNOW better. They don’t really care about other people unless they can do something for them ( example: Whats in it for me?). They always have to have the upper hand in a relationship. They are condescending and critical of everyone around them. They lie about everything to manipulate there circumstances. They believe they can do NO wrong. They hold grudges and like to get revenge. They feel empty inside and seek other peoples energy to sustain them. They are very judgemental of others. They look for leverage on people, so they can use it to get ahead, exploit them for there own gain. They don’t really believe in anything. They wear a mask to mirror the feelings and characteristics of other people around them. But then discard that mask and the person they wore it for, whenever they find someone better. They bully people and make fun of others to amuse themselves. They are passive-aggressive. They care more about there reputation and like controlling the narrative. They would lie to protect themselves. They “gaslight” and twist things in conversation just to throw the other off track to benefit themselves. They CONSTANTLY blame the other person for things (Just one example: if they”re feeling bad, it’s the other persons fault). They drain YOU. They are charming, and charismatic when out in groups or around others. They know how to “sell” themselves but behind closed doors and the night ended…… the personality changed. And they ALWAYS bring up the past when in a relationship.

Now I ask you….. Do you know THIS PERSON I just described above?

I DO!

But do you know the personality of that person I described? Yes, I’m sure you do. A NARC. Now there are different types of NARCS, and one in particular that is REALLY dangerous is the “covert NARC.” I know this person very well…… sadly.

Why do Empaths and HSP’s attract NARCs and vice-versa? Hmmmmm? I know!

Emapths are motivated by an intrinsic need to help and heal humanity. Narcissist are motivated by their own self-interest and ego-driven desires. What they have in common is their high emotional intelligence. NARCS are high in intellect and are cognitively  intelligent. They recognize and perceive how another person thinks. Empaths are high in emotional or effective empathy, they emotionally respond to how another  person thinks and feels. Empaths and NARCS are toxically attracted because they mirror each others shadow sides. They unconsciously project their deepest fears onto another. Emapths struggle with fear of rejection, abandonment and loss, while narcissist struggle with fears of emotional engulfment, and vulnerability.

Immature empaths enter these relationships because they do not yet understand how to fully use their gift of empathy. They believe that loving others is the solution, without cultivating any self-love themselves. They lack boundaries, and unconsciously look upon the narcissist to set these boundaries for them. Narcissists live out the intensity of their deep feelings through empaths. Empaths must learn to become emotionally independent by objectively detaching themselves from their emotions before they can have healthy relationships.

Narcissists are not born but are made out of difficult circumstances, such that they loose touch with their true nature, condemning their own empathy as a weak inconvenience, which must be controlled. They must learn to become emotionally responsible by allowing themselves to feel their emotions, before they can have healthy relationships.

The key to healing is to move into a place of self-awareness and self-management, rather than blaming each other. Mindfulness and acceptance of one’s own dark side, is what will transmute these negative emotions into positive ones.

My personal thoughts… I believe both personalities are “hurting” and insecure somewhere, somehow and for some damn reason….. But we all want to be loved, respected, appreciated and NEVER be taken advantage of. Life is a journey. I’m still a working progress and I thank God that he hasn’t given up on me. I am truly blessed.

** References: Nikita Mor, Thought Catalog; Business Insider, Judith Orloff MD, Diary Of Psychology Today. **

“As you remove toxic people from your life, you free up space and emotional energy for positive, healthy relationships.” John Mark Green.

“A healthy relationship doesn’t drag you down. It inspires you to be better.” Diary of Psychology.

Live, love, honor and laugh out loud! Prioritize you!

 

About Cassandra Pavolic

As a retired performer for 25 years transitioning careers has been difficult. I truly enjoyed my career as an aerialist performer. I was fortunate enough to see the world, traveled many places and met people from all cultures. I learned a tremendous amount about life and people during my years traveling than I would in a school setting. The one thing I took away from being on the road is that no matter what ethnic background you are, we are all so similar. A smile is a smile in every language (happiness or contentment). Expressions of all emotions have the same meaning around the world. For this reason we are similar, and I somehow find that comforting. I'm now in my 40's and reflect on my accomplishments as well as my failures up to date. Both are irrelevant to what I value most. I value people and relationships. I value my deity, it is the number one thing that keeps me stable. Being true to myself is a portion of my "food" in regards to my decision making. When I steer away from being my true self I am disappointed. Exercise, taking walks, and being still are another source of "food" in my life. I like to be still, listen and observe all things. I have been this type of person since a young child. Perhaps one of the reasons why I take an interest in Personality Psychology and my recent studies human behavior. I hold an Associates degree in Music/Theater/Dance from Dean College in MA. I quickly realized I wanted to perform, therefore my journey began immediately after graduating from Dean. I have been a Licensed Massage Therapist, as well as a Certified Personal Trainer. I am curious, I am persistent and I am passionate. I'm on a mission to be a better person, to help those who want to help themselves, and to share my thoughts, opinions, experiences to anyone who gives a damn. All in hoping that what I have to offer will change lives as you learn to keep your priorities in order. And so I started prioritize you.
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